


Heartstrings

by FireDemonessJaganshi



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 22:25:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3667488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireDemonessJaganshi/pseuds/FireDemonessJaganshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Human AU]</p>
<p>Yong Soo is a happy young adult. He is in a committed (secretly gay) relationship, has his own place, a stable job, and a very successful blog. </p>
<p>However, a routine check-up quickly becomes the starting point for his entire life to crash down around him. Every damn thing that could go wrong does, and what could happen to the Korean's seemingly indomitable spirit? When he crashes and burns, will there be someone to pull him from the wreckage?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartstrings

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at fanfiction in just over five years, so forgive me if I am a little rusty. However, this plot-slash-idea just will not leave me alone. Also, forgive the cliche song lyrics I'm going to put in the notes, I have a great playlist to listen to while I write this. 
> 
> Also Yong Soo is my baby but I have a nasty habit of breaking him into pieces...

Blink. Blink. Blink. Blink. For the moment, all the young Korean could do was stare almost mindlessly at the cursor in the text box; it’s incessant blinking constantly reminding him that he needed to apply his fingers to the keys in order to type letters and form words. But, where to start? Oh, where to start indeed. He hadn’t updated his blog in weeks. He used to be a several-times-daily sort of poster. But, with everything that had been happening, he had not had the heart to put on a bright smile and a happy face to give to his couple-thousand followers.

However, he figured he owed these people _something_ at the very least… And so, here he was- staring blankly at the blinking cursor on his blog waiting for a new post. After several long minutes of thoughts racing through his head, he gave a resigned sigh and lifted his hands to the keys. 

[Mood: Drained

Sorry about the long, unexpected hiatus, guys. I had a lot of things going on in my life. And none of them were good. I figured I owed you all an explanation for my extended absence… Warning you now, I don’t know what kind of trigger warnings I should put on this. Expect a long sob story, and if you’re empathetic at all- you might not want to read this. Just a friendly FYI. My story begins after the cut.]

Well, that was an okay opening… He snorted. With that done, he typed the proper html sequence to enter a ‘continue reading’ hyperlink to the remainder of his post. He really didn’t want to do this. Just the thought of recounting all of the things that had transpired over the last couple weeks felt like a crushing weight on his chest. But maybe he would feel better after letting it all out…

[So, I’m sure most of you saw my posts before my unexplained absence about how I had been feeling a little off, right? If not- please go and check back on my blog and inform yourselves. Because I had been feeling not-so-hot and had no idea why, I went to the doctor like any smart person would do. I got a check-up, assuming I was just lacking in some vital nutrient like iron or something. So, like I had expected, I got some blood taken so they could do some tests and tell me what I could do to make myself get back into tip-top shape. No biggie, right? 

Well, it turns out it was a biggie- a colossal biggie. I got a call a few days later from the doctor when the test results were in, asking me to come back in for a follow-up. What struck me as odd was that he wanted me in for that very day. (I’m just in high demand I guess?)]

Yong-Soo gave a hollow chuckle as he re-read what he had written. Even his attempt at his previous sense of humor sounded half-hearted to him. He really had changed a lot… At that moment, a woman approached him, handing him a cup of coffee. His attention was pulled from his depressed musing, thanking her with a plastic smile. Updating your blog while sipping coffee at a café sounds like such a hipster thing to do. He was briefly tempted to snap a selfie with his coffee and upload that instead, but the impulse faded quickly. Taking a long sip of the bitter liquid, he gritted his teeth at the flavor, not bothering to get up and get sugar like he usually would. The flavor that disgusted him helped him to steel himself and look back, turning back to his laptop. 

[As soon as I walked into the doctor’s room I knew something was up. He had a grave expression on his face, and didn’t soften the blow at all. He told me he suspected that I had leukemia- but it wasn’t certain. He wanted to run a few more tests to be sure and hoped that he could prove he was wrong. He took some more blood from me, and then explained that he was gonna jab me with something big, long, and hard- a needle. But it wasn’t just any needle- no. It was _really big_. He needed to get some of my bone marrow for testing so, yeah. I got anesthetic, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t feel it. Kinda like when you go to the dentist and they numb your whole mouth but you can still feel every scrape of their tools. 

After he was done gathering my samples, he told me he’d call me again later. Well, good news is he thought he must be wrong, but bad news could be he was right and I could die from cancer. With that bombshell dropped on me, I figured I had better let the people closest to me know, right? I was going to go for dinner with my family later that week, so that just left my secret boyfriend. You all remember him, right? The one I tease and play games with and take selfies with? The one where we were at the stage of not-too-serious, but more serious than just a hookup? Yeah. 

Turns out, when I went to meet him and let him know that, you know, I might be dying. No big deal. He had his own bombshell to drop on me. He had his eyes on someone else at the time and figured he wanted to go for them before he got too serious with me. Ironic, right? He told me that before I could tell him my news, so, since we were no longer together, I didn’t feel bad telling him it didn’t concern him anymore and just walked off. I’m not saying it didn’t hurt- I really liked this guy. Like, ‘here, take my v-card’ like. Needless to say, I am still stuck with that card and now boyfriend-less.]

With a sigh, Yong Soo reached mindlessly for his coffee, relishing in the hot bitterness. Recalling the awkward look on his ex’s face was enough to make it feel like a stone was dropped in his stomach. He had been in shock, and so had not had the chance to mourn when it had happened, but he definitely felt the ache now. He had no delusions, though. He couldn’t see a long future with the guy, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel any attachment at all… He took another drink of his coffee, using it to bury his musings, focusing on the next bit he needed to recount. Maybe he should order a whole pot of black coffee…

[Guess what happened next. I got a call back from my doctor, and he was now positive I had leukemia. He just didn’t know what kind, and so he needed to do more tests on the bone marrow samples he had taken, and once he knew for sure, he would call me back in to discuss what I should do. 

So, I had been dumped, and then told I had cancer. That’s two really bad things. Well, it doesn’t get any better. When I got together with my family it got much, much worse. Thing is, I know I’ve told you all how conservative my family is, right? “You should be a doctor. Marry a nice girl that will give me beautiful nieces and nephews. Don’t be so loud.” Yeah- every Asian stereotype is totally fulfilled by my guardian. So- that’s why my boyfriend had been a secret. It wasn’t just because he was too embarrassed to come out of the closet- it was because I was afraid of any potential backlash I might get from my family. 

We are very close-knit. Even if we rarely contact each other now that we’re all adults, we instantly come back to each other for any big happenings or just friendly get-togethers. You need to understand that I love and trust my family with my life. I told my brother-cousin about me being gay and about my boyfriend a long time ago; because I knew he wouldn’t judge. However- when I was explaining to him about my break-up, I hadn’t realized my guardian was _right there_. I used the word ‘boyfriend’, too. There was no mistaking it.]

_“You’re a faggot?”_ Yong Soo visibly flinched, recalling the open disgust on Yao’s face- the unmasked disdain. Heart still aching, and before the tears could form again, he quickly slammed the rest of his coffee and got up to order another one. He needed a break from writing before his heart broke again. Focus successfully broken, he paid for the cup the barista would bring him, and returned to his laptop.

[Long story short, he called me a faggot (not wrong), but to make it worse he openly claimed that he was not related to any homosexuals. Reading between the lines- he disowned me right there. I was no longer family. Can’t get worse than that, right? Wrong. I had been renting a small house from him. (He’s in real estate- and damn good at it too since he could afford to raise five children on his own.) I got evicted, too. He demanded that I be out of the house he had rented to me by the end of the month.

It sounds pretty bad, right? Well, I’m not done yet. Went to my job the next day and was told I was being let go because of budget cuts. The insurance I got from my job wasn’t too good to begin with- but guess what? Now the cancer patient has no way to pay for hospital bills. 

To be honest, this is most of the reason I haven’t been updating. My guardian said ‘end of the month’ but that only gave me two weeks to get all my stuff moved out and to a new residence. I kinda knew it would take a long time to move by myself, and I had nowhere to go in the first place. To make things easier, I held a rummage sale and sold a lot of my things- but not all of them. Some sentimental things or things I thought my family would like-slash-want of mine I put in individual boxes and sent to them- less stuff for me to move and more money in my pockets. 

While I still had my home, I got a call back from the doctor. He had singled out what leukemia I had, because there are different kinds. Without going into too much medical biology-sciency stuff, I basically have a leukemia that could easily kick my ass in a very short time unless I go through really intense chemotherapy treatments really soon and force myself into remission. 

Now let’s recap. I’m very likely to die much sooner than I anticipated, was dumped by the guy I liked, disowned by my supposedly-supportive family, evicted by said family, fired from my place of employment and subsequently lost any means of having health insurance to pay for my bills so I don’t die. I think that about covers everything? Right now I’m drinking coffee in a café before I go in to get another set of testing done. I currently have my phone, my laptop, a few sets of clothes, and my favorite pillow to my name. I’m sorry I couldn’t soften the blow to all of my followers, but I figured you all would like an update on why my posts will probably stop. I know I seem like an upbeat kind of guy, who goes with the flow and just seems all-too-lovable… but right now I can’t do that. I don’t know if I will ever be able to again… So… I guess I can keep updating with my current hospital visits until then? 

Also- since my inevitable end is coming up pretty quickly, I have decided to stop censoring myself on this blog. Long-time followers will know that I never let on to where I live, who I know, or anything that could identify me for stalkers to find me. Well- I don’t really care anymore. I might still black out people’s faces if I post pictures, and I won’t name people by name- but you all now can know exactly where I reside and all that good stuff. Until next time~]

Yong Soo paused, staring at his text box with his hands poised over the keyboard. Was there anything else? Not really… He could mention that he only had the funds to pay for a euthanasia shot in the next post. His hope that putting his struggles into words would help him feel better was lost, though. Through his final few paragraphs, he just felt his heart grow numb and cold. He wasn’t surprised to find that he really didn’t care anymore… 

After all, why should he struggle to pay for and survive a really painful and miserable treatment to hopefully lengthen his life for a short time, when there was nobody around to care? His shortened expected lifespan basically killed every dream he might have had. His worst fears had come true- Yao didn’t truly see him as part of the family, like he had thought. Alone, cold, homeless… Why should he continue to struggle? 

Checking the time, he took another deep swig of his bitter coffee, leaving a five dollar tip on his table as he hit ‘post’ on his blog’s page. He waited for the positive notification before closing his laptop and packing it into his backpack. He had better get walking- his appointment was coming up soon, and the doctor had one more sample to get from him just as a precaution, and to discuss his treatment- should he even want any.

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  __
> 
> _I've never been so torn up in all of my life_
> 
>  
> 
> _I should have seen this coming_
> 
>  
> 
> _I've never felt so hopeless than I do tonight_
> 
>  
> 
> _I don't wanna do this anymore, I'm moving on_  
> 
> 
> Moving On- Asking Alexandria


End file.
